Within the final component of the first Authentic Reflections program I asked participants to bring what they learnt to their greater communities (internalize belonging and externalize community). They came up with some community values that they wanted to share: The following is a summarization of several of our conversations. I see these values as the foundation of what the program meant for the participants and a good starting point for facilitating intimacy as a group.
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Belonging: “the understanding that you are an integral part of a community that embraces you for being authentic”
This group gave me a deep knowledge of how to create belonging - When total vulnerability (in this case brought about by intense self-reflection and group reflection) meets love and total acceptance; (this came from the hearts of the people in the group). -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Esteem/Worth: In order to promote determining our individual contributions to a group or community and observing differences about sense of self from beginning to end of program, participants complete explicit reflection exercises in-line with these goals as part of group-sharing activities. The practice of being not only accepted, but embraced wholly for your beautiful imperfections in a group setting allows for an increase in self-esteem and self-worth, particularly as individuals take further risks and understand they are worthy of the love they are receiving. I felt the greatest sense of belonging at the turning point of feeling most isolated, unseen, and unloved, and being met there by love and support from the group. I was affirmed and held with open acceptance for my choices and my truth. -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Expression: Many of the activities are centered around improving self-expression, such as through sharing narratives of past, present, and future, as well as, deeper truths, conflicting aspects of identity, and areas of identity involving insecurities. Improving self-expression is achieved through the support of emotional risks, sharing, and having all participants actively participate in activities and discussions. One thing stands out in my memory specifically about the group development. While we were forming a community everyone felt seen, and was able to grow personally because of the group. While we all focusing our energy on the group, the individual was not dissolved in the process. On the contrary, we grew on a personal level, each in their own way, because we grew as a group, something I had never expected. -Authentic Reflections Participant Find out more about programs here: http://chrysalisfacilitation.weebly.com/programs.html
A sense of belonging includes knowing that you are part of a community, “not despite your vulnerabilities, but because of them.” The emotional risk of sharing can otherwise be known as vulnerability. The definition of vulnerability that Brown provides is “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” A large part of noticing vulnerability and growth is discomfort. “The goal is not getting comfortable with hard conversations, but normalizing discomfort.” Normalizing discomfort is a step towards being authentic. It is only through vulnerability that we can find a place for our authentic selves. When we share our vulnerable selves (fears, hopes, struggles, and joys), we build connections with others who share our vulnerability or shame. One person’s vulnerability provides space for others to open up as well. When we’re not vulnerable, we save ourselves from potential attack, but also potential acceptance. It’s so hard to be vulnerable, because while we see it as courageous for others, we are afraid that our truth isn’t enough and that what we have to offer isn’t enough without editing. Community can be a place of healing and restoration. Communities that are composed of people who are vulnerable can be more compassionate. We can only be truly compassionate when we know our own darkness, when we recognize our shared humanity.
Connection can be defined as: “energy created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment,” –Brene Brown Components that contribute to connection include:
The more individuals share these components, the more they connect with each other. People have different levels of social connection they need to feel happy and fulfilled. The amount of social connection necessary for the positive well-being associated with belonging will differ for each individual.
The deepest form of social connection occurs when one shares openly and honestly. Open and honest sharing requires an understanding and acceptance of oneself. |
AuthorVrindy Spencer is constantly seeking inspiration on topics of personal and human development, leadership, community, connection, and intimacy (with self and others). Archives
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