Within the final component of the first Authentic Reflections program I asked participants to bring what they learnt to their greater communities (internalize belonging and externalize community). They came up with some community values that they wanted to share: The following is a summarization of several of our conversations. I see these values as the foundation of what the program meant for the participants and a good starting point for facilitating intimacy as a group.
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Belonging: “the understanding that you are an integral part of a community that embraces you for being authentic”
This group gave me a deep knowledge of how to create belonging - When total vulnerability (in this case brought about by intense self-reflection and group reflection) meets love and total acceptance; (this came from the hearts of the people in the group). -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Esteem/Worth: In order to promote determining our individual contributions to a group or community and observing differences about sense of self from beginning to end of program, participants complete explicit reflection exercises in-line with these goals as part of group-sharing activities. The practice of being not only accepted, but embraced wholly for your beautiful imperfections in a group setting allows for an increase in self-esteem and self-worth, particularly as individuals take further risks and understand they are worthy of the love they are receiving. I felt the greatest sense of belonging at the turning point of feeling most isolated, unseen, and unloved, and being met there by love and support from the group. I was affirmed and held with open acceptance for my choices and my truth. -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Expression: Many of the activities are centered around improving self-expression, such as through sharing narratives of past, present, and future, as well as, deeper truths, conflicting aspects of identity, and areas of identity involving insecurities. Improving self-expression is achieved through the support of emotional risks, sharing, and having all participants actively participate in activities and discussions. One thing stands out in my memory specifically about the group development. While we were forming a community everyone felt seen, and was able to grow personally because of the group. While we all focusing our energy on the group, the individual was not dissolved in the process. On the contrary, we grew on a personal level, each in their own way, because we grew as a group, something I had never expected. -Authentic Reflections Participant Find out more about programs here: http://chrysalisfacilitation.weebly.com/programs.html
“Go home and tell someone something a little too much. Take a risk. Maybe they will tell you something. If they do, take, catch it, hold it. Tell them that they belong to you, that you’re going to reserve a special place just for them. Tell them that they matter. Being connected doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice, you sacrifice because you care.
The more expectations you create, the better you’ll dance with them. Give something of value and accept something you don’t have that’s of value to you. Learn, teach, grow, and prepare them for the day that you’re not going to be there. Then tell the story about the people you love. Create rituals, symbols, and traditions then tell them your ability to build a community has grown.” -Dr. McMillan Connection can be defined as: “energy created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment,” –Brene Brown Components that contribute to connection include:
The more individuals share these components, the more they connect with each other. People have different levels of social connection they need to feel happy and fulfilled. The amount of social connection necessary for the positive well-being associated with belonging will differ for each individual.
The deepest form of social connection occurs when one shares openly and honestly. Open and honest sharing requires an understanding and acceptance of oneself. The percentage of older American adults who say they’re lonely has doubled from 20% to 40% since the 1980s. A study of Americans in 2004 found that more than 1 in 10 reported having no one to spend free time with or discuss important matters. 2 in 10 suffer from loneliness so chronic and severe that it is a major source of unhappiness. Based on research conducted more recently, that number might have grown. 5 Reasons to Care:
A great article from the New York Times explains: “Loneliness is an especially tricky problem because accepting and declaring our loneliness carries profound stigma. Admitting we’re lonely can feel as if we’re admitting we’ve failed in life’s most fundamental domains: belonging, love, attachment. It attacks our basic instincts to save face, and makes it hard to ask for help. New research suggests that loneliness is not necessarily the result of poor social skills or lack of social support, but can be caused in part by unusual sensitivity to social cues. Lonely people are more likely to perceive ambiguous social cues negatively, and enter a self-preservation mind-set — worsening the problem. Dr. John Cacioppo, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago, has tested various approaches to treat loneliness. His work has found that the most effective interventions focus on addressing “maladaptive social cognition” — that is, helping people re-examine how they interact with others and perceive social cues.” Increasingly, research confirms our deepest intuition: New York Times: How Social Isolation is Killing Us http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/22/upshot/how-social-isolation-is-killing-us.html
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AuthorVrindy Spencer is constantly seeking inspiration on topics of personal and human development, leadership, community, connection, and intimacy (with self and others). Archives
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