Within the final component of the first Authentic Reflections program I asked participants to bring what they learnt to their greater communities (internalize belonging and externalize community). They came up with some community values that they wanted to share: The following is a summarization of several of our conversations. I see these values as the foundation of what the program meant for the participants and a good starting point for facilitating intimacy as a group.
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It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt A sense of belonging includes knowing that you are part of a community, “not despite your vulnerabilities, but because of them.” The emotional risk of sharing can otherwise be known as vulnerability. The definition of vulnerability that Brown provides is “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” A large part of noticing vulnerability and growth is discomfort. “The goal is not getting comfortable with hard conversations, but normalizing discomfort.” Normalizing discomfort is a step towards being authentic. It is only through vulnerability that we can find a place for our authentic selves. When we share our vulnerable selves (fears, hopes, struggles, and joys), we build connections with others who share our vulnerability or shame. One person’s vulnerability provides space for others to open up as well. When we’re not vulnerable, we save ourselves from potential attack, but also potential acceptance. It’s so hard to be vulnerable, because while we see it as courageous for others, we are afraid that our truth isn’t enough and that what we have to offer isn’t enough without editing. Community can be a place of healing and restoration. Communities that are composed of people who are vulnerable can be more compassionate. We can only be truly compassionate when we know our own darkness, when we recognize our shared humanity.
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AuthorVrindy Spencer is constantly seeking inspiration on topics of personal and human development, leadership, community, connection, and intimacy (with self and others). Archives
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