Within the final component of the first Authentic Reflections program I asked participants to bring what they learnt to their greater communities (internalize belonging and externalize community). They came up with some community values that they wanted to share: The following is a summarization of several of our conversations. I see these values as the foundation of what the program meant for the participants and a good starting point for facilitating intimacy as a group.
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Belonging: “the understanding that you are an integral part of a community that embraces you for being authentic”
This group gave me a deep knowledge of how to create belonging - When total vulnerability (in this case brought about by intense self-reflection and group reflection) meets love and total acceptance; (this came from the hearts of the people in the group). -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Esteem/Worth: In order to promote determining our individual contributions to a group or community and observing differences about sense of self from beginning to end of program, participants complete explicit reflection exercises in-line with these goals as part of group-sharing activities. The practice of being not only accepted, but embraced wholly for your beautiful imperfections in a group setting allows for an increase in self-esteem and self-worth, particularly as individuals take further risks and understand they are worthy of the love they are receiving. I felt the greatest sense of belonging at the turning point of feeling most isolated, unseen, and unloved, and being met there by love and support from the group. I was affirmed and held with open acceptance for my choices and my truth. -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Expression: Many of the activities are centered around improving self-expression, such as through sharing narratives of past, present, and future, as well as, deeper truths, conflicting aspects of identity, and areas of identity involving insecurities. Improving self-expression is achieved through the support of emotional risks, sharing, and having all participants actively participate in activities and discussions. One thing stands out in my memory specifically about the group development. While we were forming a community everyone felt seen, and was able to grow personally because of the group. While we all focusing our energy on the group, the individual was not dissolved in the process. On the contrary, we grew on a personal level, each in their own way, because we grew as a group, something I had never expected. -Authentic Reflections Participant Find out more about programs here: http://chrysalisfacilitation.weebly.com/programs.html
“Go home and tell someone something a little too much. Take a risk. Maybe they will tell you something. If they do, take, catch it, hold it. Tell them that they belong to you, that you’re going to reserve a special place just for them. Tell them that they matter. Being connected doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice, you sacrifice because you care.
The more expectations you create, the better you’ll dance with them. Give something of value and accept something you don’t have that’s of value to you. Learn, teach, grow, and prepare them for the day that you’re not going to be there. Then tell the story about the people you love. Create rituals, symbols, and traditions then tell them your ability to build a community has grown.” -Dr. McMillan I aim to support the development of individuals through using group structures. My goal is to create and facilitate conditions that allow members of short-term intentional communities to internalize the feelings and positive effects of belonging after the community has dissolved.
I structure my programs based on the idea that a sense of belonging exists on a spectrum, where the more conditions that are met, the more one feels belonging. For example, the ability to be vulnerable and have a shared emotional connection can take place within a group of people through commitment and the belief that members have shared and will share history, common place, time together, and similar experiences. I use these conditions to create communities centered on the shared interest of self and group explorations, instead of a pre-existed shared group identity or passion, such as religion or political views. the basis of our communities is an interest in human connection.
The 3 criteria Brown provides for a wholehearted life are:
Sharing aspects of ourselves with others requires taking an emotional risk. Often we share in the hopes that others will validate our feelings. However, validation must first come from ourselves. The core principles of the Joyous Embrace Program combine these concepts of Wholehearted living with Self-Actualization (Maslow). My definition of belonging is: “The perception you are an integral part of a community that embraces you for being authentic” Belonging, which means being accepted for you, differs from fitting in, which means being accepted for being like everyone else. Fitting in requires assessing a situation and changing in order to be accepted. Belonging does not require us to change who we are; “it requires us to be who we are.” -Brene Brown*
Belonging does not fall within a dichotomy, rather the more connected with yourself and others that you feel through various means, the more of a sense of belonging you may have. |
AuthorVrindy Spencer is constantly seeking inspiration on topics of personal and human development, leadership, community, connection, and intimacy (with self and others). Archives
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