Welcome to #30daysofgrowth (starting February 1, 2017) This is a communal journey of self-discovery, expression, and connection and an opportunity for you to 'be as you are.' Part of the program involves being part a team and I will be arranging “accountability buddies.” If for some reason you are unable to commit to the full 30 days, please let me know the timeframe for which you can commit.
All components are important to complete. Please check-in with your accountability buddy when you have completed each day’s challenge and reach out to them for any support (both if you would like it or if you would like to offer it). This is a group journey, as well as a personal one, so you are encouraged to read the comment responses of each other individual and encourage each other.
Tips to be successful:
Before Day 1, I would like to collect your anonymous responses to share with the group for the following questions: What does it mean to tell the truth? What do you feel are the consequences of telling the truth? What’s your biggest fear about taking part in this challenge? What’s your biggest hope in taking part in this challenge? Check out the challenge here: https://www.facebook.com/events/379986229030122/
Belonging: “the understanding that you are an integral part of a community that embraces you for being authentic”
This group gave me a deep knowledge of how to create belonging - When total vulnerability (in this case brought about by intense self-reflection and group reflection) meets love and total acceptance; (this came from the hearts of the people in the group). -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Esteem/Worth: In order to promote determining our individual contributions to a group or community and observing differences about sense of self from beginning to end of program, participants complete explicit reflection exercises in-line with these goals as part of group-sharing activities. The practice of being not only accepted, but embraced wholly for your beautiful imperfections in a group setting allows for an increase in self-esteem and self-worth, particularly as individuals take further risks and understand they are worthy of the love they are receiving. I felt the greatest sense of belonging at the turning point of feeling most isolated, unseen, and unloved, and being met there by love and support from the group. I was affirmed and held with open acceptance for my choices and my truth. -Authentic Reflections Participant Self-Expression: Many of the activities are centered around improving self-expression, such as through sharing narratives of past, present, and future, as well as, deeper truths, conflicting aspects of identity, and areas of identity involving insecurities. Improving self-expression is achieved through the support of emotional risks, sharing, and having all participants actively participate in activities and discussions. One thing stands out in my memory specifically about the group development. While we were forming a community everyone felt seen, and was able to grow personally because of the group. While we all focusing our energy on the group, the individual was not dissolved in the process. On the contrary, we grew on a personal level, each in their own way, because we grew as a group, something I had never expected. -Authentic Reflections Participant Find out more about programs here: http://chrysalisfacilitation.weebly.com/programs.html
Communities must know if a member will make available the time, energy, and financial commitment necessary to be a supportive, effective member.
Commitment, meaning a promise with no
expectation of reward, comes from a place of honesty and ownership. Taking part in genuine community requires stepping outside of entitlement found within a scarcity mentality with the question, “what’s in it for me?” With this expansion of awareness, comes an expansion of self, along with trust where each individual supports the group and knows they will be supported as needed. Before every program each participant reviews and accepts a carefully crafted Letter of Commitment. The letter provides an explanation of what being part of their community will entail and the sacrifices and challenges it requires. The letter is heavily framed within the idea that being part of a community means thinking more than individually.
“Go home and tell someone something a little too much. Take a risk. Maybe they will tell you something. If they do, take, catch it, hold it. Tell them that they belong to you, that you’re going to reserve a special place just for them. Tell them that they matter. Being connected doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice, you sacrifice because you care.
The more expectations you create, the better you’ll dance with them. Give something of value and accept something you don’t have that’s of value to you. Learn, teach, grow, and prepare them for the day that you’re not going to be there. Then tell the story about the people you love. Create rituals, symbols, and traditions then tell them your ability to build a community has grown.” -Dr. McMillan There is a distinct and meaningful difference between being invited and being welcomed. I compare this difference to the difference between accepting diversity and embracing it. Both are positive, yet the latter increases the level of connection between the individuals or amongst the group more than the former. With this in mind, I design invitations to each of the programs. Within the invitation I capture the 6 ideas of creating community by Peter Block: Members of communities must be active, as opposed to passive. Individuals within the community should not feel obligated, but rather show up by choice. Therefore, the decision to show up means something more.
By recognizing that any activity or goal may pose a different level of challenge for each group member and that authentic personal change comes from within, Challenge by Choice leaves the freedom to participate with the participants. Challenge by Choice asks participants to individually add value to the group experience by finding a way to contribute to the group’s efforts while also seeking to find value in the experience for themselves.
As a facilitator and community member it is useful to remember that reward, as opposed to humiliation, has a significant impact on attractiveness of the community to the person. Adapted from Project Adventure
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt Every group goes through predictable stages, although not every group completes them all. Progression through the stages can be enhanced and encouraged through particular activities. Pseudocommunity/Forming Stage:
This stage includes forming an atmosphere of safety and acceptance and avoiding controversy, differences, and disagreements. Individuality, intimacy, and honesty disappear as people act as if they have the same beliefs, understandings, and life histories. Activities associated with this stage include: Ice-Breakers, De-Inhibitizers/Energizers & Ceremonies/Creating a Group Commons Chaos/Storming Stage: The phase of chaos occurs once conflict and competition comes out.
This struggle is noisy, uncreative, and unconstructive unlike healthy conflict that occurs in genuine community. Activities associated with this stage include: Trust-Building & Group Initiatives Emptiness/Norming Stage: Despite the connotations, emptiness is a positive stage meant for rebirth.
During this process, other members of the community must listen as individuals share their weaknesses without feeling the need to offer advice or pretend as if they were not speaking. This stage includes cohesion, sharing, trust-building, creativity and skill acquisition. Activities associated with this stage include: Self-Reflections, Trust-Building, & Group Initiatives Genuine Community/ Performing Stage: As a genuine community, the group itself becomes its own contemplative entity that is larger than the sum of the individuals. It is self-aware and examines itself.
Genuine communities are tied to a type of emptiness and vulnerability that proves immensely difficult and often impossible to sustain. Within a genuine community exists a freedom to be wholly accepted and acceptable for being ourselves. Activities associated with this stage include: Social Responsibility Adjourning, Transforming, and Mourning Stage The final stage of group formation revolves around the completion of the group. Activities associated with this stage include: Closing These ideas stem from a combination of:
Stages of Group Development (Bruce Tuckman) & Stages of Community-Making (Scott Peck)
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AuthorVrindy Spencer is constantly seeking inspiration on topics of personal and human development, leadership, community, connection, and intimacy (with self and others). Archives
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